Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
