You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
