i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
