This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Farmville is her only friend.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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