we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
