I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
