I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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