fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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