i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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