I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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