Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
