Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
