Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
