New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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