oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
