My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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