You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
