im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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