you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
