there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
