Just fell off a train. Bad.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
