Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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