I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He passed out mid-signature
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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