Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
