Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
did i walk over a car last night?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You pole danced in your parka.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
