When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
