I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
