We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
