Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
