when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
