i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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