Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
