I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
