Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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