Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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