You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize