A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
