I'm going to jail i love you
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Terrible idea I love it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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