Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just found a bag of teeth...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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