david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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