your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
