Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
