Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
