I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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