"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize