I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize