I'm so fucking centered right now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
