I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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