this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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