I think I died a long time ago.
Buhtt sex?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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