The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
