I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
