I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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