that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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