thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
