There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
