It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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