thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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