so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
