Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All the doctor said was why
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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