Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
