we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
