I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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