Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
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