I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
