I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
